The author and his sons at age 16.

It was 2am as I stared at my phone screen, watching the blue dot representing one of my teenage sons move through unfamiliar streets after a party. Although he had no curfew, he rarely stayed out this late. Unable to sleep, I watched his movements, waiting for the telltale signs that he was in an Uber and heading home.

Since installing a tracking app on the phones of my teenage twin sons, this anxious late-night ritual has become all too familiar.

The blue dot’s journey across my screen became my nightly companion. I quickly discovered I was far from alone. According to a recent survey, 58% of parents use cell phones with built-in tracking features, while 53% rely on dedicated family monitoring apps. Like many of these parents, I initially installed the app for safety, but what I discovered about myself went much deeper.

What began as a practical safety measure gradually revealed something I hadn’t fully acknowledged: how much I crave being present in my sons’ lives. I divorced when they were 3 and have since missed countless moments, from learning to ride a bike, to school presentations, to everyday conversations that many parents take for granted. The tracking app became a way I felt connected to them, a digital substitute for being there in person.

Michelle Felder, a psychotherapist and parenting expert, explains this behaviour: “Parents who have anxious-preoccupied attachment styles may use monitoring as a way of maintaining a feeling of connection with their child.” However, identifying a pattern is only the first step. What matters is how we channel these feelings.

For parents in shared custody arrangements, Felder suggests using tracking constructively: “A parent with limited time with their child might use a tracking app as a starting point for connection; for example, sending a text saying, ‘I see you made it home safely. I hope your presentation went well — I can’t wait to hear all about it!’ This engages, shows care and keeps communication........

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