The seagull summit has happened, but have the right people been paying attention, asks Mark Smith

Let’s start with a fact, we like facts. In the last 60 years, the number of herring gulls (larus argentatus) has declined by around half while the number of politicians (larus politiciantatus) has boomed. I have no idea how we are going to deal with the situation – the incessant noise, the damage, the swooping down to steal from us – but it’s clear something must be done.

As is the nature of these things, the two species – gull and politician – are currently battling with each other for survival. The politicians (or some of them) would like action on what they see as the threat posed by the gulls; the gulls on the other hand would just like to be left alone to get on with their rather remarkable lines. We drop kebab, they pick up kebab; seems like a perfect symbiotic relationship to me.

As you’ll no doubt be aware, the gull versus politician face-off came to an extraordinary peak the other day when Douglas Ross, former Scottish Conservative leader, brought it up in Holyrood and there was a rammy in the corridor that cost Jamie Hepburn his job as a minister. The cause of the rammy was a summit, which is a word sometimes applied to meetings to make them sound more important. The summit was to be held in Inverness and look into what, if anything, should be done about the gulls. Neither Mr Ross nor........

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