I have a pitch for a new Hollywood blockbuster. It’s called Cowboys on the Moon and follows the escapades of parking wardens in Glasgow’s south side as they try to wrangle outlaw motorists.

It’s March 2025 and the pavement parking ban has just come into full effect. The local authority has spent the past month slapping hundreds of warnings on rogue vehicles in breach of the new commandments: thou shalt not park on pavements, thou shalt not park next to a dropped kerb, and thou shalt not double park. But the time for warnings is now over. The wardens are ready to fine.

In the south side of Scotland’s largest city, lawlessness has taken hold. Drivers careen onto the pavements and screech to a halt, their headlights grazing glass shopfronts to shave a few steps off their daily count and a few minutes off their milk run. They have grown so used to parking in front of drop kerbs that they now prefer it, seeking them out with the hunger of a furiously rabid fox. Double parking? Child’s play. The real bandits go for triple.

All other road users are at the mercy of these crooked parkers. Pedestrians, cyclists and wheelchair users weave and bob around pavement-mounted Corsas and drop kerb blocking Fiestas. They navigate around the cars and into the deep pavement craters, narrowly dodging snapped ankles or prams thrust into oncoming traffic. The wardens, armed with £100 fines (£50 if you pay it early), battle to regain order.

Now, I know how the film starts but I am struggling to picture how it ends. Like the real-life pavement parking ban in Glasgow, there’s one thing that has me scratching my head. Without pavement parking in some parts of the city, there would be no........

© Herald Scotland