I was recently asked by a male survivor of sexual assault why I don't write poetry about men who have experienced abuse. I had to sit with this for a while and consider it, as it wasn't something I intentionally omitted to alienate or exclude men. I do write a lot about my experiences as a woman, but it's never been my goal to leave men out of the conversation as I have the utmost respect and compassion for all survivors.

I've always been of the mind that nobody can tell a story as well as someone who lived through it, and that authenticity is key in artistic expression, regardless of the topic being discussed. I would much rather hear men tell their stories, listen to poetry or songs from them, see art which comes from a place of experience, than to insert myself and my own feelings into that expression.

What I had failed to take into account is the barriers men face when it comes to talking about abuse and sexual assault, the reasons precluding men from telling their stories and sharing their experiences.

Many men have been made to feel as though their voice isn’t one that will be heard, due to cultural pressures put upon male survivors, and men in general, to avoid feeling and expressing vulnerability. While I maintain that the best people to articulate and share the stories of male survivors are men themselves, we as a society must ensure we do more to encourage, support and listen to men if and when they do choose to speak up.

Upon hearing the phrase “toxic masculinity” a lot of people will have an initial defensive, negative reaction.

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