After about 10 minutes of BBC Scotland’s Disclosure documentary on Glasgow city centre, I’m filling out my mayhem bingo card. You do this when broadcast media tourists decide they must produce something edgy about the Glasgow bampots, or the bempots as they’re probably known in the Pacific Quay executive pods.

Rubbish-strewn alleys? Check.

Bare-knuckle, al fresco, urban boxing? Check.

Beastly language? Bingo! It’s a full house.

The reporter has decided to pick the day after the Belfast knife attack in June to embark on a week-long tour of the mean streets around St Enoch Square. For a couple of days, tensions were running high across the UK as squads of masked vigilantes descended on town centres in chaotic protests targeting immigrants. They’d brought Glasgow to a standstill, according to the trainee war correspondent. Near the start of the programme, “I belong to Glasgow” is being sung drunkenly, as it’s intended to be. What’s a good, old-fashioned bout of stereotyping between friends when you’re trying to reach a preordained outcome?

I belong to Glasgow Dear old Glasgow town Well what's the matter with Glasgow For it's goin' 'roon and 'roon I'm only a common old working chap As anyone here can see But when I get a couple of drinks on a Saturday Glasgow belongs to me

“The men are not pleased to see us filming,” says the reporter as a masked fruit-loop yells some vivid obscenities. I hate to break this to you, chaps: but at certain times on certain days you’re always at risk of some pejorative push-back if you’re wandering about the place with a hipster, west-end aspect to your demeanour and a camera operator. “It really feels like things are about to kick off,” he says,........

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