The greatest ever match report about the brutal world of Ayrshire Junior football was written 30 years by Graham Spiers, then Scotland’s pre-eminent sportswriter.

On a Saturday afternoon when the weather had wiped out most of the senior matches, the intrepid Mr Spiers had travelled to East Ayrshire to report on Scotland’s fiercest local derby: Cumnock versus Auchinleck Talbot.

Mr Spiers’ report read like a despatch from a war-zone with red and yellow cards being scattered hither and thon and a baying crowd looking for blood and guts.

A Cumnock player, having received an early red card, could be seen watching the rest of the game from an upstairs window of the clubhouse clutching a pint of lager and smoking a cigarette.

In the world of the old Ayrshire Juniors, red cards only got administered with the last rites.

Today at Townhead Park, scene of that barbarous encounter from 30 years ago, the modern Cumnock are facing Drumchapel in a South of Scotland cup tie and I feel compelled to pay homage.

Fans take in the Cumnock Juniors vs Talbot derby (Image: NQ) In the first few minutes the ball seemed to be collecting air miles as it was hoofed to all corners of the ground. And then it settled down and a more thoughtful and sophisticated game emerged which Cumnock would win after a penalty shoot-out.

On one of the terracings, small knots of older supporters are gathered. Jock Stein liked to call them “men wi’ a trade”.

I meet Andrew Cameron, who has been watching Cumnock FC for 66 years. I compliment the club for the immaculate condition of its artificial pitch, which is a class above the cabbage patches favoured by much grander clubs like Kilmarnock and Livingston.

“It’s paid off handsomely,” says Mr Cameron. “It’s used by local kids and youths almost every night of the week and is treated with a substance that allows it to be used by local rugby clubs. Cumnock FC, like all the other Ayrshire Junior clubs, are often one of the key drivers of social cohesion and community involvement and Cumnock are one of the best. What brings you down here, anyway.”

I tell him about a survey that says Cumnock is the cheapest place in the........

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