First, the bad news. According to the prophecy of St Malachy, a 13th century Irish bishop, Pope Francis was the last of St Peter’s 266 successors. As such, according to the Irish holy man, his death will soon be followed by a catastrophic event which will destroy Rome and bring in the Final Judgment.

The good news for those of us who haven’t been to Confession for a while? Malachy’s papal predictions began to get a bit wobbly around the 16th century. Plus, there’s been an entire canon of apocalyptic forecasts and secret messages down through the centuries, often designed, it would seem, to get penitent punters emptying their pockets of hard-earned poppy in exchange for indulgences.

Thank God the Protestant Reformation came along to introduce a bit of order and rectitude to this Roman bacchanal.

Following the Reformation in Scotland, it took another three centuries or so for the Scottish Catholic hierarchy to be restored. And, having learned its lesson, the new Scottish Catholic church seemed a bit less inclined towards its old medieval theatricality and corruption For a few decades it would be heavily influenced by Ireland from where many of the missionary priests came across to help us get back on our feet.

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By the time Pope John Paul II paid us a visit in 1982, the Catholic Church in this country was most decidedly Scottish. Moreover, its prelates were, as one old newspaper journalist put it, “either punters or the sons of........

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