Parenting is far from easy. Many parents strive to meet societal checklists—financial stability, emotional longevity, and successful marriages—believing these achievements will ensure their children’s happiness. Yet, despite ticking all the boxes, a deep disconnect often remains between parents and their children.

As a practicing educator over more than four decades I have observed that even the most “successful” parents often struggled with their children’s emotional well-being. This a question in my mind If it isn’t money, stability, or maturity that fosters a healthy parent-child bond, what is it? The answer lies in conscious parenting—an awareness of how our own conditioning obscures our ability to truly see and nurture our children for who they are. We are all shaped by our upbringing, cultural norms, and unconscious patterns inherited from our parents. Without realising it, we impose these expectations onto our children, leaving little room for their authentic selves to emerge.

Conditioning from childhood, we parent the way we were parented, repeating cycles without questioning their impact. Cultural norms dictate what “good parenting” looks like; grades, behaviour, achievements often at the expense of a child’s individuality. Our unconscious expectations project our unfulfilled dreams and fears onto our children, moulding them into who we think they should be rather than who they truly are. When a child’s essence is overshadowed by these unconscious impositions, they grow up feeling unseen. They may outwardly conform but inwardly struggle with identity, leading to a lack of self-trust, emotional disconnection, rebellion or self-destructive behaviours (addictions, anxiety, depression) and a lifelong search for their true selves.

The Dance of Parenting is a constant balancing act—knowing when to step in and when to step back. Children need guidance, but they also need space to discover........

© Greater Kashmir