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Lorne Gunter: Canada jay a better choice for national bird than the messy, miserable Canada goose

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It hatches its eggs at -25C; survives cold, dark months by sticking excess food collected during summer on the underside of tree branches using its own saliva and doesn’t even fly south for winter.

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It’s the Canada jay, also often called the whiskey jack. If members of the Canadian Senate have their way, it will soon become our national bird.

The jay, which is about the size as an American robin, has a pale grey belly, darker grey back and wings, and a grey-white head with dark grey nape. Hikers and campers in most of Canada’s boreal forests have probably heard its pleasant chirpy little warble.

It seems the perfect choice to symbolize our country. As quoted in a story in Blacklock’s Reporter, David Browne, senior vice-president of Birds Canada described the Canada jay as “intelligent, adaptable, hardy, incredibly endearing and emblematic of our northern wilderness.”

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The largest concentrations are in northern forests and at higher elevations in mountain ranges.

It’s also, thankfully, not the Canada goose, which is better in a down jacket than in the wild.

Oh, sure, the Canada goose in flight in a V-shaped flock is truly majestic. And its honking as it migrates south signals the arrival autumn, just as its honking on its northbound return is a welcome sign of spring.

But, unlike the jay, the Canada goose is a miserable bird. It’s a hissing, crapping, crop devouring menace. Farmers who watch flocks land in their fields know they will lose up to 25 per cent of their crop’s value.

No one ever blamed the Canada jay for denuding a field of winter wheat or making a campfire site so gross with droppings no one want to sit there.

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Goose feces befoul public parks, picnic sites, campgrounds and waterways.

A stream near our former cottage used to carry a “DO NOT DRINK” warning each spring during the geese’s migration, thanks to hundreds of birds relieving themselves in the creek.

If you come anywhere near a goose nest in springtime, you’re in for an angry, aggressive attack by a wing-flapping, hissing mother goose. There’s funny story about a migrant worker on a Canadian farm who, after just such an attack, refused to get anywhere near the “cobra chicken.”

By contrast, jays have been known to fly down and pick up a crumb deliberately left out on a picnic table, even as humans still sit there. They will even, occasionally, land on a person’s finger to scoop up a nut or raisin.

Canada already has a national winter sport (hockey) and national summer sport (lacrosse). Our national tree is the maple — D’uh. Our official colours as approved by Parliament are red and white and the beaver is our national symbol.

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We even have a national horse, a breed called the Canadian, which I must confess I had never heard of until now. The Canadian is described as a “well-muscled horse, usually dark in colour, generally used for riding and driving.”

I might ride a Canadian, but I’m not letting it drive. I’ve tried for two years to teach our dogs to drive and all I’ve gotten for my trouble is a smashed garage door and a busted bumper.

If there is one drawback to making the jay our national bird, it’s that its range does not cover the entire country. It is found in numbers in every province and territory, but it is rarely seen in southern Alberta, southern Saskatchewan or southern Ontario.

The alternative choice — a bird that is found everywhere in the country — is the parking-lot gull.

They’re almost as diseased as geese and don’t have a pleasant song.

But they like poutine. Just try throwing a French fry into a squabble of gulls and watch the excited reaction.

If you won’t join me in endorsing the gull, though, I guess we’re going to have to settle for the Canada jay.

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