Honestly! I’m so happy that we’re everyone’s top destination. Iran’s, Egypt’s, Turkiye’s, Saudis’. Isloo’s become a real adda, where they’re all coming for chat and chai, and to admire our Margallah Hills and open the Straight of Hummus. All except that damaad’s of Trump, that zehreela saanp, that two-faced Kuchnai [kuchhnai?] who started bombing Iran in the middle of peace talks.

Iran has tau said, saaf saaf, he’s not coming, okay? We said okay. Waisay, good radiance. Because koi pata nahin, he might have started bombing us also. Apparently, he’s a chapraasi of Netanyahu’s. Trump is his sussar but his real maalik is Netanyahu. He walks on his whistle only.

I said to Janoo kay ‘Despite of all your doom and bloom, dekh lo phir, we’ve come out on tops.’ He said he wouldn’t count his kitchens before they had hatched. ‘These are very sensitive, difficult negotiations. There could be many pitfalls.’ Aik tau he can never look on the bright side of anything. Kill joy jaisa.

One thing waisay, I’m not understanding: why is India getting so upset over Pakistan’s cool girl look? Bhai, their Foreign ka Minister said himself only that we are not a dalaal nation. Let Pakistan be that then. You sit to a side and be superior. So why all these radio talks and podcasts and interviews, endlessly arguing and debating and discussing kay why and how did ghareeb, small, beychara Pakistan get to be in the line light and rich, powerful, important India not?

Iran says even their angels don’t know who Trump is talking to. Butterfly has a diagnosis, a treatment plan and the number of a very good Saaeen Baba

Iran says even their angels don’t know who Trump is talking to. Butterfly has a diagnosis, a treatment plan and the number of a very good Saaeen Baba

Also, Modi ji tau has already declared kay his bestie is Netanyahu. So how India can be in peace talks with Iran, when it’s already taken the side of their enemy? Why should Iran trust them? Confusing, no?

Meanwhiles, Trump has gone totally mantle. Saying kay Iran is calling him and begging for peace. And insisting that he’s talking with the Iranians and their talks are going very nicely. Iran is replying kay even our farishtas don’t know who he is talking to, because he’s definitely not talking to us.

Reminds me a bit of Mummy’s old driver, Salim Khan, whose daughter, Bakhti, was possessed by a jinn and she used to have regular dauras, when she’d get a wild look in her eyes and howl like a wolf and she’d talk with invisible people and cackle with laughter. Maybe a jinn has also become aashiq on Trump?

Bakhti was cured by a Saaeen Baba, who put a taaweez on her and made her eat something small and black and crumbly that, he said, was the Number Two of an elephant. Maybe we should send that Saaeen Baba to Trump’s house at Maar Lagao, with his little purrhiya to do Trump’s ilaaj also.

Because some things these white doctors, they just can’t treat, naa. They simply don’t have the knowledge of roohs and jinns and dayans and kaala jadoo and what all. Poor buddha baba Trump has also been saying kay he’s going to put boots on the ground in Iran. Why would they want American boots in Iran when they’ve got plenty of sandals of their own?

Oopar se, Trump’s also said kay MBBS has been kissing him in inappropriate places. And he didn’t just say it at home behind closed doors to Melania but announced it from a podium in a khuli mehfil. Ab crack hai kay nahin? I tau think either they should lock up Trump like Mrs Rochester, or they should send an air ticket to Saaeen Baba now only.

Talking of tickets, how are we going to London in the summers? Tickets tau have gone through the hoof. I was thinking of attending my friend Naila’s wedding anniversary in Karachi but when Janoo heard of the price of the ticket, he immediately put his foot down. Kanjoosrra. He says petrol is going to go up even higher. And that we have to stop using the car so much. Well, he can go about on a cycle like a postman, I’m tau going in my car, baba. And that also with the AC on full blast.

But one thing Janoo’s super happy about. Apparently, like petrol and gas, fertiliser also used to gush out of the ground in UAE and Qatar. So blessed they are, waisay. And now, because the Straight of Hummus is closed and ships carrying fertiliser can’t come, farmers in Sharkpur have majbooran gone back to using cows’ Number Two as fertiliser, like they used to in olden times, and Janoo is thrilled because he thinks it’s progress.

Dekho zara! I think so, before sending Saaeen Baba to Trump, I should have him brought to our kothi. There’s a crack in our home too.

Many years ago, @monimohsinofficial, novelist and journalist, outed herself as The Social Butterfly

Published in Dawn, EOS, April 5th, 2026

© Dawn (Magazines)