Once upon a time in a land far, far away, there began a sentence that would see itself being abused as the opening line of many epic poems valorising great heroes (but hardly any heroines). It would travel the world — including lands full of proud, brown people Westoxified up to their buttocks and beyond — and kickstart many tales of mythical odysseys and fairy-tale adventures.

It would find its most brilliant manifestation in the legendary tale of a fair-skinned brown man belonging to a warrior race — the holiest of all holy races, sprinkled with divine stardust by Zeus’ second cousin himself! — who embarked upon a long and perilous journey for the sake of his (high school) principals and his enormous ego.

Pedro Cliftovar was his name, and he would go on to discover, found and bestow his name to a divinely ordained republic, brimful of machismo and extremely well-coiffed patriarchy.

“Dear young Cliftovar, go forth on a mission of war, adventure, fraud, investment banking and start-up ventures, and write your name across the sky in stars!” said his principals on the eve of his high school graduation.

Like most great epics, this too has a suffering hero dealing with a divine curse. But this one also has gated communities, destination weddings and a failed upgrade

Like most great epics, this too has a suffering hero dealing with a divine........

© Dawn (Magazines)