Ministers, thank you for taking time out of your busy schedules to attend this media strategy meeting. As you know, there's a lot of public concern about the wa ... sorry, conflict in the Middle East so it's important we get our messaging in order. We can't let people think we rushed into supporting this with our eyes closed.

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First, we have to remember this is not a war. Yes, missiles and drones crisscrossing the skies, a ship torpedoed on the high seas, hundreds of thousands of refugees on the move in Lebanon, oil refineries ablaze, entire city blocks levelled might look like a war.

It might sound like a war with all the air raid sirens blaring and explosions booming through 14 countries in the Middle East and beyond. But don't use that word. It will reflect badly on you because of your support of the actions that led to it.

Instead, call it a conflict. So much gentler. And much easier to say than "strategic combat operations". Our ally in Washington made such a mess of that euphemism it's given up and is now calling the whole thing a war.

Take a cue from Minister Penny Wong, who's deployed the conflict euphemism more effectively than America has deployed cruise missiles. She makes the wa ... conflict sound more like a row over a spot in a car park than the Armageddon punters imagine they're seeing on their screens.

Second, we're not at war. It might look like it, sending our most advanced airborne warning and control aircraft into the wa ... conflict zone along with a bunch of advanced medium range air-to-air missiles. And boots. Eighty-five pairs of them, worn by the crew operating the AWAC plane. But we have no boots on the ground. They're in the air.

Third, just because we've deployed a contingent to the wa ... conflict zone doesn't mean we're fighting in it. This is purely defensive. You'll be asked a lot of questions about this so stress that the plane, crew and missiles have been sent after a request from our great friend and ally. No, not that one. The United Arab Emirates, not the United States.

Keep pressing the point when you're asked over and over if the other great friend and ally, the US, has asked for help. The last thing we want punters to think is that we're being dragged into another costly and ultimately pointless American wa ... conflict in the Middle East. Talk about the thousands of Aussie expats living and working in Dubai but don't mention the thousands of Aussies living under Israeli bombardment in Lebanon.

Fourth, the legality of the wa ... conflict is not our concern. Those troublesome journos will keep asking why Australia was first out of the blocks with full-throated support for the actions of Israel and the US when it is unsure whether they were legal or not. Keep batting those questions into deep cover.

Repeat after me: It's up to Israel and the US to explain the legality. And in a low whisper: They have our full support.

Ministers, that just about wraps it up. The media team hopes it's been helpful. Oh, one last thing. Whatever you do, don't mention the war. We can't stress this enough. It's not war; it's conflict.

HAVE YOUR SAY: Is Australia at war? Should the government have established whether the US-Israeli attack on Iran was legal before supporting it? Should our political leaders be more upfront and honest with their words about the Middle East war? Email us: echidna@theechidna.com.au

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IN CASE YOU MISSED IT:

- The National Anti-Corruption Commission has found two former public servants engaged in serious corrupt conduct relating to the unlawful robodebt scheme, while clearing all four others referred to it nearly three years ago.

- Australia should cut taxes for workers and raise taxes on capital, independent MP Allegra Spender has urged, as she laid out her blueprint to restore fairness to the nation's economy.

- New Nationals leader Matt Canavan has outlined a nationalistic agenda for his regional party and signalled how he intends to fight off a surging One Nation.

THEY SAID IT: "Euphemism is a human device to conceal the horrors of reality." - Paul Johnson

YOU SAID IT: The last thing you should tell a fearful person is not to panic. So when motorists were told not to panic when war erupted in the Middle East they panicked and rushed to fill up. And now we have fuel shortages. It's a repeat of the toilet paper shortage during COVID.

"There's no surer way to run out of something, even without a supply interruption, than for all of us to rush out and try and get some at the same time," writes Ian. "I thought about it, but didn't get around to it until the tank was actually low. I thought, what's the point, I might save a couple of bucks but that'll only last a couple of weeks then I'll be paying the higher prices next time, if there's any available. Might have to get the bicycle out of mothballs. Another advertisement for electrification of the nation with renewables."

Alison writes: "Better than getting an EV, how about considering not having a car at all? Public transport or bikes won't suit everyone but for many retired people there is subsidised shared transport available through My Age Care. As for toilet paper, go Asian and use water instead."

"I haven't rushed out to fill my car or 4WD, but I have the luxury of not having to commute these days," writes Rob. "I will, however, conserve what fuel I have by avoiding unnecessary trips. There is no doubt in my mind we are being gouged at the pump. Particularly in Canberra where we pay a premium for most things. It's just a little more obvious now. There is no way fuel distributors are paying higher wholesale prices yet. It just demonstrates how, while there is supposedly no organised price collusion the industry is well geared to react in pursuit of windfall profits. The ACCC is completely useless at policing this situation."

Tom writes: "I have already purchased a spacious and comfortable Chinese EV with a 500km range and doors that close with a satisfyingly heavy 'thunk'. I enjoy the swift silent surge of take-off. I home charge. I don't feel smug and superior and self righteous. I don't look upon the motorways full of ageing Beemer and Ranger drivers as an ocean of zombies racing towards a cliff. We are all only human. Hahahaha. Enjoy your adolescent Formula 1 fantasies ye herd of wannabe Oscars."

"I was actually cat-sitting very near a famous racecourse and I was shopping when the infamous COVID toilet paper scene happened," writes Old Donald. "I thought it was probably a TV advertisement for whichever brand was being 'fought' over. It was difficult to realise later (on the news) that I had witnessed 'grown-ups' at war."

Murray, who managed a service station, writes: "During the last major fuel supply crisis, there were people queueing up, filling their cars to the top instead of their normal 20 or 40 or 80 litres, and wanting to fill oil drums and jerry cans and buckets and on one occasion a watering can. Then they would ask if there was a fuel shortage. There will be now, we would tell them. Greed, selfishness, that's what causes shortages. There is never much fuel in the country, the supply chain works, the ships arrive and it is distributed and everyone is happy. Then someone suggests there might be a shortage, and triggers a panic."

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