If you’ve ever worked in a corporate environment you’ll know that, between birthdays, babies, redundancies and retirements, you’ll spend a fair bit of time being asked the question: “Have you signed [insert name]’s card?”

Typically, the most annoying (and persistent) person in the office has made it their responsibility to ensure that everyone has signed the card, which is awful news for someone like me because this inevitably exposes my greatest weakness: embarrassing handwriting.

This is an accurate recreation of exactly how I sign my name on official documents.Credit: Michael Howard

During a series of recent work farewells I found myself engaging in a familiar pattern of avoidance. Each time, I would hover near the giant goodbye card, feigning politeness, allowing others to sign first while pretending to be deep in thought. “Please, go ahead; I’m still thinking of something funny to write!”

Only once the crowd had dissipated would I sneak over and quickly scrawl my illegible goodbye, tucked away on whatever scrap of real estate remained. To this day I cringe, thinking of dearly departed colleagues doing their best to decipher my panicked message. “Does that say, “Last winter, Thanos”? (Best wishes, Thomas)

As far as I can........

© Brisbane Times